My Albatross

As most of you probably know, I started a graduate degree in creative writing (which is sure to get me a stable job that pays a living wage, right? Right?) in 2003. And I still have nothing to show for it, other than an expanded collection of books (not such a bad thing) and a bunch of files on my hard drive called things like "vietnam5.0.doc" and "reimagined.doc" and "newintro.doc." And I can't seem to put all the pieces together into one narrative. It's like I have a dozen variations on the same basic idea.

Sometimes I work on it ever day for weeks at a time. Sometimes a week passes and I don't even look at any of my manuscripts. Sometimes I think I should give up and go back to college for that degree in chemistry I always thought would be fun. But I am always thinking about the bad thing I've done (thus far) in not obtaining that stupid piece of paper that says I write good. It's always there to remind me of my screwup.

So many of my friends from college have finished graduate degrees and gotten "real jobs." (I suppose I have a "real job," but it doesn't seem that way because my responsibilities aren't all that challenging on a daily basis - if ever - and it's not something I went to school for. Or ever saw myself doing. So I don't want to start another degree so I can have actual responsibilities.) Sometimes they make fun of my stagnation. Sometimes I make fun of their degrees. Sometimes I make fun of my stupid degree. It's all good-natured. But I have this nature that prevents me from quitting something once I've started it. And I've more than started an MA in creative writing. I've done all the coursework. I've laid out the basic structure of my novel (though it keeps changing). I've written a novella before and, like, finished it. Why is this so damn hard?

Only after I appear before my thesis committee and talk about what the hell I've been doing for the past five years and get my stupid piece of paper in the mail will I be able to cut this albatross off of my neck.

Home Ventilation

I don't think we will ever find a house that we can both agree on AND afford.

In the mean time, at least, we have seen some interesting things.

Such as neighborhood kids playing tether ball with a volleyball tied to a No Parking sign. Yes, this game involved them standing mostly in the street. What have I decided that we learned about the neighborhood from this observation?

A. It's safe enough for the kids to be playing outside at dusk.
B. The average IQ in the neighborhood leaves much to be desired.
C. The street isn't very busy.
D. All of the above.

If you picked D, you're correct. You win...another anecdote.

Some people who are just now getting around to selling their homes have rooms they haven't set foot in since approximately 1987. How do I know this? Because of the Scott Baio House.

The former play room (which I'm guessing later became something akin to Foreman's basement on That 70's Show) of the Scott Baio House had at least a dozen posters of Scott Baio plastered to the wall. It reminded me of my own bedroom as a teenager, except the objectified male in my case was Jonathan Brandis (oh, Jonathan, why? WHY?). This is not to say that one such poster didn't eventually make its way to the suite I lived in senior year of college (in a tackily sentimental way, I swear). But the posters did come down from my bedroom by the time I reached the age of 18. Not so in the Scott Baio House. That is assuming, of course, that the owner of the posters did eventually grow up and move out. Perhaps I'm assuming too much here.

And then there was the house of the wannabe witches. I'm not making fun of Wiccans here; the religion in its true form actually has some admirable traits. No, these were stereotypical Halloween wannabe witches. Why do I say this? Because of the green-hued, wart-faced witch flag flying from the front porch, next to a skeleton wind sock (which, when we saw the house on a drive by the previous day, was flying from the back porch). These were the tenants who clearly did not want to move. So they left a cow skull on the living room mantle and various dried vegetation lying around the floor in a circular pattern. And, sadly, the tenants hell-bent on scaring away potential buyers of their residence looked very much like the people who come into the library asking for books of spells: badly dyed, stringy hair, approaching middle age but reluctant to act like it, and somewhat on the thick side. It makes me sad when stereotypes turn out to be somewhat accurate. But here's the best part: the house number was 666. Which, although I'm not superstitious, did give me pause when I originally looked at the listing for the house. But after seeing the, um, interior decorating of the house's current residents, I think it's safe to say they were super excited to live in a house at number 666. Because what better place is there to celebrate Halloween every day?

Give me a W... Give me an O...

As the text message I received today informed me, today is International Women's Day. (Thanks, Eric. I would have felt like such a bad woman, had I not known. Actually, I still do.) It annoys me that cool observances like this are pretty much passed over in cultural vacuums like Hamiltucky, to the point that they can slip past unnoticed by someone like me who actually gives a crap. I suppose that instead of pointing fingers, I should get involved and try to organize something in observance of things like IWD myself. But it's so discouraging when you feel like the only progressively-minded person in your place of residence (okay, one of at least two; I live with another one). Allow me to tell a story that illustrates my point:

On Tuesday, which was Ohio's primary, I was scheduled for the evening shift, so I voted that morning before work. By my dinner hour, most of my coworkers had been to the polls. A couple of them were talking about the voting machines while I tried to read my book but ended up listening to their conversation. One of them asked what it meant when it said something about delegates being at large. This gave me pause because I didn't remember seeing such language on the ballot, and usually I can't help but read details like that, especially on something as important as a primary election. All I remembered was something about a delegate to the national convention - no "at large" garbage. Pretty much everyone who was in the room (at least a half dozen people) chimed in to discuss the misleading "at large" language and eventually arrived at a satisfactory answer. They had all seen it on the ballot; why hadn't I? And then I remembered the differences in the ways democrats and republicans handle primaries. Everyone I work with who was in the room at that moment had voted republican, even the people I've always thought were so forward thinking, they must have leftish leanings. It is a library, for crying out loud, and the more educated you are, the more likely it is that you're in favor of things like universal health care and protecting the environment. But no, in southwest Ohio, even people who work in a place of learning (okay, I admit, it's more and more like Blockbuster every day) think that rich people should have more tax cuts and the church should play a bigger role in government (I say that because I know more than one person there was a Huckabee supporter).

So even if I did put my money where my mouth is and organize an event for International Women's Day, or Earth Day, or the International Day of Peace*, would anyone come?

*I know there are republicans out there who care about some of the things like environmentalism and peace that are usually considered more liberal concerns. I know some people are so hung up on the abortion issue that they can't vote for a democratic candidate who supports a woman's right to choose. I would love it if things weren't so strictly divided into partisan issues. But that doesn't seem to be the way this country works right now.

It's World What Day?

Today is World AIDS Day. Which I probably wouldn't know if it hadn't been for one of the dozen or so socially conscious people in the town where I live coming in to work to request a "worthwhile" movie for the teenagers at the local recovery center to watch. I eventually found him Philadelphia because the library doesn't own Kids, which his charges would probably be more able to connect with, since it features characters their own age. (I can just see the group, which is entirely made up of young men, turning away in disgust from Tom Hanks' portrayal of a gay man.)

Anyway, this got me to thinking. World AIDS Day used to be a big deal. Didn't the major networks, or at least some of the better-known cable ones, broadcast benefits or at least PSAs around this time in years past? I can recall seeing Bono and other celebrities on TV talking about the AIDS crisis in Africa not too many years ago. Maybe the PSAs are still there and I'm just missing them because of the joys of DVR, and maybe it has something to do with the fact that I don't *sniff* live in a college town anymore (community colleges don't count), but I think I saw a grand total of one mention of World AIDS Day on the web this morning as I surfed randomly.

While in the shower, pondering this strange absence, I reached a hypothesis: the general public can only handle one major global issue at a time. In the early nineties, it was AIDS, which then resurfaced a few years ago when the rest of the world found out that Africa has a major AIDS epidemic and almost no means to fight it, in part because so much of the leadership in African countries is standing around with its collective head in the sand. Breast cancer also had its heyday several years ago, and it gets a boost every November (which is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month), but that movement has become so bogged down in commercialism and for-profit entities out to make a buck from people's good intentions and/or desire to appear socially conscious that it's lost much of its credibility. (This is not to undermine the legitimate nonprofit groups that are still genuinely trying to raise awareness - I just think they have an even harder time because of the illegitimate ones.)

At the moment, the buzz word of the day is green. Which is great, and it's about damn time. The last time I remember hearing so much talk about the environment, I was about ten years old and drawing pictures of an anthropomorphized earth crying and looking forlorn. And it seems like the phrase "alternative fuel source" isn't met with such scorn from the general public anymore; people are actually starting to embrace it. But the cynical part of me (which at times threatens to squash the idealistic part of me like a bug) is becoming increasingly convinced that most people don't really give a shit about whether their grandchildren will be able to breathe the air. They just want to be "trendy," which is what the green movement is becoming, just like everything else. Hybrid cars are a wonderful thing, and it's about time we had a stopgap between gas guzzlers and fuel cells, which are still a long way off. However, there is some truth in the South Park episode which featured a "smug" cloud poisoning the air around South Park once its residents all bought hybrids because they were a status symbol.

I wish people would go along with environmentally and socially conscious movements because they fracking make sense, rather than because it's considered "in." But, to borrow from a verse in Philippians, what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, the word gets out. And because of this, I rejoice. I just wish that all issues got air time, all the time.

Please Don't Screw It Up...Again...

The Red Sox - Indians ALCS takes me back to the few good seasons the Indians had back in the day when ALL the games were telecast. GO TRIBE!

Epiphany #512

Not being riddled with angst and loathing makes me a shitty writer.

Considering the current state of affairs, I may never have a literary career.

I Must Have It

Best bumper sticker I have seen in at least the last year: Republicans for Voldemort.